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This is one of the stories in our Story-Gems project, a collection of our experiences with our Guru, Sri Chinmoy. Project homepage »
Sri Chinmoy singing
I have always liked music, but, alas! I could not sing. I was told to just move my lips at my junior high graduation choral performance, and I followed that advice ever after. After I became Sri Chinmoy’s full-time disciple, I discovered that music was very important on his spiritual path. Sri Chinmoy himself was an excellent singer, and composed thousands of spiritual songs. They were really beautiful, and I loved to listen to them, and, very gradually, I tried to learn a few. My success was limited.
But on Father’s Day, in the year 2002, I was attending a meditation meeting with Sri Chinmoy and about 200 of his students, and all of a sudden, Sri Chinmoy spoke to me over his microphone.
He said, “Bhadra, you're not in a singing group?”
I said, “No, Guru.”
Sri Chinmoy said, “Why not?”
I said, “I’m just learning to sing.”
Sri Chinmoy said, “You’re a scientist. Scientists can’t sing? There are so many singing groups; you should be in one of them.”
I thought to myself, “Yes, Guru, but what singing group would have me?”
Into the mike, Sri Chinmoy said, “You should be in Chandika’s group.”
So, when the meeting was over, I asked Chandika if I could be in her group. She said I could, and I attended her group practices, but at first I only moved my lips. Sri Chinmoy somehow let me understand that he expected me to actually sing, and so, after a while, I got Chandika’s practice tape, and when I took my daily walk I listened to the tape and tried to sing aloud along with it.
I will not go into the long and arduous details, but as time passed, my singing did, gradually, improve. I took informal singing lessons with a friend who had heard my unaided efforts; later on I took official singing classes with two different teachers. I bought a small keyboard, (I had learned to read music when I was a child), and I started to practice singing every day. Today I can, if the song is not too difficult, learn to sing a song correctly with a group. I’m afraid I’ll never be a good singer, but these days I do actually get joy from my singing. Sri Chinmoy says that the spiritual life involves self-transcendence, and in my life as his student, my ever-improving singing has made me understand that piece of his philosophy.
I sing for my heart.
My heart sings for my soul.
My soul sings for my Lord Supreme.
This is one of the stories in our Story-Gems project, a collection of our experiences with our Guru, Sri Chinmoy. Project homepage »
I was taking a short course in meditation led by two of Sri Chinmoy’s students. I was not looking for a spiritual Teacher; I had no idea what a spiritual Teacher was. I was an atheist, a Ph.D. in Sociology, and a researcher. I was skeptical when I heard about others’ spiritual experiences. I was interested in meditation only because I thought it might help my anxiety.
After a few classes, my teachers invited me to a meditation led by Sri Chinmoy. I was curious, and went to two uneventful sessions, and then came to the third. I was in an ordinary state of mind when I arrived. Sri Chinmoy came onto the stage of the Public School auditorium. He began to meditate, and then, all around his entire body, and stretching out from his body in all directions, I saw, with my human eyes, a beautiful golden light.
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Sri Chinmoy often would begin events with silent meditation
I was entranced and entered a state of silent bliss. It seemed like I was in the middle of an ocean of love. I was fortunate that I trusted my own experience of that night. I went on to become a full-time student of the one man I’ve ever met who was the perfect embodiment of goodness.
When my heart glows,
My life-river speedily flows
To God’s Ocean of Love.
I decided that I wanted to become Sri Chinmoy’s student. But at that same time, I had to look for another job, and I thought I couldn’t make a commitment to Sri Chinmoy’s path until my work situation was settled. The job I was leaving was in New York, but I was interviewing for my new job all over the country. I remember being in a hotel in North Carolina, and meditating on Sri Chinmoy’s Transcendental Photograph, and telling Sri Chinmoy that I would do whatever he thought was best.
Annam Brahma restaurant in Jamaica, Queens
When I returned to New York, one of the teachers of the meditation course that had led me to Sri Chinmoy invited me to have lunch with her at Annam Brahma, a restaurant run by his students. I told her that I really wanted to formally apply to become become Sri Chinmoy’s student, but that I was afraid that I might have to leave New York to find a new job at my level. This woman said, “Don’t be silly! You are very good! I’m sure you can find another job in New York.” After lunch I returned home, and there, on my answering machine, was a message, offering me a very good job in New York!
The outer miracles of a spiritual Master
Can be counted,
But the inner miracles of the Master
Can never be counted.
This is one of the stories in our Story-Gems project, a collection of our experiences with our Guru, Sri Chinmoy. Project homepage »
During my first Celebrations in New York, Guru had all the young disciples come up to him who had been on the path less than two years, which included me.
As we youngsters came up to Guru, he would throw a candy bar as means of blessing us, which we had to catch. He loved to do this as a joyful, childlike way to interact personally with each person in line. I remember thinking that it would be extremely important to not drop the bar, which in my mind seemed tantamount to squandering the Master’s blessings. Most disciples before me in the line had no problems catching the little bars, as they came sailing in graceful arcs out of Guru’s hand.
However, when my turn came Guru gave a little flick with his hand and the bar flew short of its anticipated course. I grasped after it and hit it with the back of my hand, tossing it higher into the air. As it came down a second time I reached for it again unsuccessfully. The candy bar was now making frantic somersaults in mid-air, about to unceremoniously drop to the floor, exposing me as the most unworthy disciple in the crowd.
In a last, frantic attempt I reached for it again. Fortunately, this time I managed to snatch it from its wayward course. My heart was pounding in my chest as relief washed over me.
I made it!
From the corner of my eye I looked at Guru and thought I saw a hint of a smile.
Unbeknownst to me then is that I had just witnessed Guru’s first curveball, which he threw at me. Over the years, more curveballs followed, moments where Guru would shatter my expectations, steer me off a mind-planned course and force me to improvise, which often meant a return to the fluid spontaneity of my heart.
I had to think of Guru’s curveballs again when the pandemic broke out at the end of February 2020. I had just bought a restaurant in Amsterdam, a waffle house, which I called Heart-Garden as a dedication to Sri Chinmoy, who had coined the term and used it often in his writings.
Before signing the contract, I had spent hours poring over annual turnover figures, discussing the deal with friends who were experienced restaurant owners and hiring lawyers and real estate agents to help me negotiate the best possible terms for the contract.
Needless to say, none of them had foreseen the coronavirus.
So I signed the contract in the beginning of January 2020 in blissful ignorance, with the idea of taking over the business on April 1st. It turned out to be a real April Fools’ Day indeed, as on March 16th all the restaurants in The Netherlands were forced to close in light of the pandemic restrictions.
As the scenario slowly unfolded before my disbelieving eyes, I realised I was witnessing another one of Guru’s curveballs. There was nothing to do but surrender.
I used the extra weeks to paint and decorate the place nicely and went open for takeout on April 25th. The first month was slow, but I made enough to keep my head above water while in the meantime learning the ins and outs of the waffle business.
Now the restaurant is again open for public and doing quite well. More importantly, I’m extremely happy and thrilled to be there, as I feel the restaurant has become a real spiritual haven for people from all walks of life. Guru’s light is visibly and tangibly emanating from his photographs, paintings and music.
In hindsight, opening the restaurant is the best thing that could have happened to me. Yet, had I been given the choice to open up my business in the middle of a global pandemic - arguably the worst time in history to open a restaurant - I would have probably politely declined. That’s why Guru had to throw one of his curveballs, making me sign the contract just before the lockdown started.
And just like my first curveball, I may have fumbled once or twice but I did finally catch it!
Surprise after surprise
Will arrive at your life-door
If you make your heart
A constant consecration to God’s Will.
This is one of the stories in our Story-Gems project, a collection of our experiences with our Guru, Sri Chinmoy. Project homepage »
This story shows how Guru can help us and our dear ones through sincere prayer and meditation. Thirty years ago, my grandmother was seriously ill with cancer. By that time, she was 88 years old. She was brought to the hospital, and everybody knew she was living her last moments on earth.
So at the end of her life, even though I was a very young disciple, I put one of my grandmother’s photos on my shrine, and I prayed every day to the Supreme and to Guru to help her pass the curtain of Eternity. She died a few months later, while I was in New York for our annual Sri Chinmoy Centre April Celebrations.
I remember very clearly the dream I had then – the kind of dream that makes you feel it is not a dream but a reality in the inner world. During my sleep, I saw my grandmother walking away through the night of death, accompanied by Guru and holding one of his arms. She turned her head towards me and looked at me, waving a white handkerchief and smiling at me. Then she disappeared and I woke up.
It was a vivid experience, and I felt that my prayer had been granted. A few years later, I told this story to Guru during the Christmas trip, and he gave me a broad smile – his way of confirming that he had in fact ushered my grandmother to the next world.
In secrecy supreme I see You.
You live in my eyes, in my sleep,
In my dreams, in my sweet wakefulness.
In the stupendous mirth of life,
In the abysmal lap of death,
You I behold.
Your Love-Play is my world.
A Truckload of Humanitarian Aid Sails through Customs
This is one of the stories in our Story-Gems project, a collection of our experiences with our Guru, Sri Chinmoy. Project homepage »
In 1991, Sri Chinmoy founded the Oneness-Heart Tears and Smiles humanitarian service. Among its first projects was a delivery of food and medicines to Russia (above) at the request of President Gorbachev - a project that Dr. Arthada worked on.
Once I had almost finished collecting humanitarian aid for two or three truck deliveries that were supposed to go to Russia. Before the shipping, I and many other Austrian disciples went to Celebrations, a meeting of the disciples with Guru in America.
There, Kritagyata, a nurse who collected humanitarian supplies in America, told me that she had received a huge shipment of medical supplies for Russian children’s hospitals. The transport directly from America to Russia would, however, have been financially impossible and bureaucratically extremely difficult to manage by official means.
So the idea arose that we European disciples could take all these packages in our personal luggage back to Europe. At the next large international disciple meeting, disciples from other Centres could give these packages to the disciples from Vienna. The idea was that I would then add all these medical supplies to my already planned large aid delivery.
Secretly feeling relieved, I informed Guru that it was completely absurd to even think about bringing all these countless large parcels illegally to Europe in this way without Customs finding out. These parcels were significantly more voluminous than suitcases and, moreover, immediately identifiable from the outside as medical supplies. That was probably clear to everyone, and my many years of experience only made me smile pitifully at this idea. This is why, right from the beginning, I considered this project over and done with or rather hopeless and crazy. “One problem less,” I thought, but I did not know Guru that well yet.
Kritagyata, our Oneness-Heart Tears and Smiles co-ordinator, with medicines bound for Russia
Guru had all the packages brought to the Tennis Court, our meeting place in New York, and there they were stacked up in a huge pile, or rather a little mountain. It would be charged as a whole truckload. Guru then walked around the parcels a few times while meditating and finally told us that the European disciples, of course especially those from Vienna, should take the parcels with them, and when going through Customs we should just repeat “Supreme” (God) inwardly and nothing would happen.
Dr Arthada with humanitarian aid
In fact, all parcels without exception arrived unhindered either directly in Vienna, where we loaded them into delivery vehicles, or they passed through Customs in other European countries, from where they subsequently found their way to Vienna, once again across the then-strict European borders. If that wasn’t a miracle!
By the way, in his enthusiasm, one of my closest friends, you might call him crazy, had taken three parcels with him! The large boxes took up all the space in his luggage trolley which contained no personal items. It was hardly surprising that when he pushed his luggage trolley through Customs, he was immediately noticed by the strict authorities who could hardly see him behind the huge boxes. Two uniformed men started moving in his direction. Right there and then things seemed to be over for my friend. His heart missed a beat, but then he remembered to repeat the mantra that Guru had given us.
The moment he began to inwardly scream “Supreme,” the magic word unfolded its effect. The astonishing thing was that the two Customs officers stopped and then moved backwards to where they had originally started, as if a film was being rewound. So in the end, my friend with his little mountain of boxes also passed Customs unscathed.
Dependence
On one’s own personal effort
Is a dance with futility.
Dependence
On God’s Grace and Oneness
And the seeker’s surrendered effort,
Is the assurance of God-Victory
In the seeker.
To wake up during the night,
And hear the loons
Offer their centuries-old melody
To the mountains and the stars,
This is my Gratitude!
To get up in the morning,
And look at the hummingbirds
Beautiful and humble,
Flying graciously,
Invoking the Divine,
This is my Gratitude!
In the morning mist,
To listen in awe
To the secrets of silence,
To welcome this unique concert
That our Creator,
Every day
Kindly offers His creation,
This is my Gratitude!
To realise that
I can still walk, smile
And simply be,
After decades of daily miracles,
This is my Gratitude!
To light up incense,
To feel and smell in its fragrances
The beauties and splendours of the Himalayas,
This is my Gratitude!
For the hundredth time or more
To feel uncontrollable tears
Coming from my soul,
Purifying my heart and eyes,
This is my Gratitude!
To cry in silence,
To breathe devotion,
And, with folded hands,
After 76 years of smiles,
To invoke His name!
To welcome another day
And be blessed
With all these Divine treasures…
This is my Gratitude,
Today and every day.
Nérée Utsahi St-Amand (my spiritual name is Utsahi) La Chanterelle (my little place in the Gatineau) June 4-5-6th 2021
76 years on earth, yet at heart a 7 year old child
One year after Guru’s passing in 2007, a small book entitled The Supreme Notebook was offered as prasad in New York. This tiny book made quite an impression on me. It contains only one word, ‘Supreme’, written 27 times on each page, by Guru. I then found out that our dearest Guru had been writing the word ‘Supreme’ 27 times per day, for years. This book presented part of the last major notebook dedicated to this devotional ritual.
Upon seeing this, I was inspired to start the same ritual and to write, every day, the word Supreme. Shortly after, I started this project and have not stopped since. While doing this, I feel in union with Guru, who did this for years.
Sometimes I wonder: What did he have in mind when writing ‘Supreme’? What was his meditation like? How was the Supreme reacting to this purest form of meditation? Could this possibly be the simplest form of meditation: simply chanting or writing the name ‘Supreme’, over and over?
If you want a mantra,
Then “Supreme”
Is by far the best mantra.
If you want a special meditation,
Then to invoke the Presence
Of the Supreme
Is by far the best type of meditation.
Thanks to Guru, thousands of doors, closed for millennia, have opened wide. The doors might not be around us, they might be above us, as in the dream I related earlier in this book. We might need a little lift at times, when we feel that the task is too difficult or simply seems impossible.
Sri Chinmoy's mantra “Never give up" is quite a simple motto; those who have adopted it are living proof that the impossible becomes possible, through our persistence and God’s Grace. With faith and enthusiasm, we can change our way of seeing ourselves, and we can even change the world. But to think that we can do it on our own is simply an illusion. By surrendering to higher forces, and following our Guru’s teachings, miracles happen.
In my opinion, Sri Chinmoy is the prophet of a new era. His vision for the world, his vision for individuals and his vision for the future of humanity is altogether simple, optimistic, and holistic. He sees us all as one: East or West, North or South, people of different creeds and colours, languages or beliefs. To each and every person, he basically offers the same message: work for a oneness-world and aim to transcend human barriers. The invitation is there: he wants us to achieve God-realization. He reminds us of our journey’s goal: God wants each and every one of us to become another God, as he reminds us in one of his 23,000+ songs:
God has come down
To become another man.
Man has gone up
To become another God.
How can this planet that we inhabit become sacred? Only if each and every one of us becomes a mirror of transcendence, a true reflection of God. For each and every one walking, running or flying on the path of Infinity, Sri Chinmoy has a simple message:
We are the Pilgrims of the Lord Supreme
On the Path of Infinity.
At this time we have broken asunder
Obstruction's door.
We have broken asunder the night
Of tenebrous darkness, inconscience
And the eternal, indomitable fear of death.
The Boat of the supernal Light's Dawn
Is beckoning us,
And the World-Pilot
Of the hallowed bond of Love Divine
Is beckoning us.
The Liberator's Hands are drawing us
To the Ocean of the great Unknown.
Having conquered the life-breath
Of the Land of Immortality,
And carrying aloft the Banner
Of the Lord Supreme,
We shall return:
We, the drops and flames
Of Transformation-Light.
As the reader can see from the anecdotes in this book, my life as a student of Sri Chinmoy is filled with very fond memories. In fact, there are too many such memories for a small book like this! Some lasted for only a few moments, but the memory of them is everlasting.
Recieving prasad from Sri Chinmoy. This was around the time Canada was dedicated as a Peace-Blossom nation; Guru was very happy.
Christmas Trips
I have been fortunate enough to attend quite a few Christmas Trips. It seems to me that all of us who participate in these trips experience, for as long as we are on the Trip, a dream-world. When Guru was still on earth, we were able to be with him for hours, practically all day, if we wanted, because Guru spent almost all his time in the function hall, composing poems, songs, telling stories, etc. During these times, our proximity to Guru was so special.
This is a excerpt from my journal December 25th, 2006: Then Guru looked up, staring at me, for one split second – one glance at my heart and soul! I felt a divine current of energy penetrating me. Through a simple look, he powerfully pierced my heart and soul with gentleness. Softly! In silence! Gratitude, my beloved Guru. Till the last moment, you feed your children.
This was indeed the most powerful experience of my three-week Christmas Trip. This intimate moment between the Master and his devotee was stronger than any divine prayers, silent meditations, singing or evening plays. He blessed my soul! He blessed me in a way that I have never been blessed! Like lightning, his peace, his serenity, his strength – all in the glimpse of an eye!
December 31, 2006: At the end of the last function of the year, Guru was leaving the room. In silence, the disciples present were offering their goodnight wishes to our Guru. My heart was overflowing with gratitude when we started singing the song, “My own gratitude-heart is all that matters." Guru turned around and waved to us, in silence...
So proud
We were in New York for the anniversary of Guru's Jharna-Kala painting in November. Guru asked some boys to perform thirteen of his Jharna Kala songs. I was part of this group of approximately 10 boys. I practiced the songs from morning till night, for two days. Then, in the evening, Guru asked us to perform. As we finished, he was so proud of us that he gave each of us a framed bird with the inscription: “I am so proud of my boy Jharna-Kala singers." Needless to say, I dearly cherish this gift from Guru’s hands.
This anecdote demonstrates Guru’s constant heart of gratitude. You offered him your effort: he responded a thousand-fold.
“Your Guru’s love is unconditional!"
One weekend, my daughter, then aged 17, accompanied me, along with one of her friends, to New York. We travelled in the same car, but our agendas were different: they wanted to see, for the first time, the Big Apple and I wanted to be with Guru. It just happened that that Friday night was seeker’s meditation, at PS 86. I mentioned it to them and after their day in Manhattan, they decided to come.
When Guru invited the girls to come and meditate in front of him, her friend went, but my daughter did not want to go. Disciples around her were encouraging her to receive Guru’s blessings, but they did not know her! They insisted; negative results!
Then, when prasad time came, Guru asked me: Where is your daughter? I told him she was sitting with me. Then he replied: “Tell her I would like to meet her." She accepted and when we both were in front of Guru, he smiled at her and offered her a rose. Not one word! After the function, she observed: “Your disciple friends are insistent but your Guru’s love is unconditional." Guru’s silence-smile and one rose made all the difference.
Creation of Sri Chinmoy’s Websites
I was in New York for a few weeks at around the turn of the new century when I was asked to be part of a special project for Guru. Although Guru did not like the Internet very much, now he had decided to establish an active, positive presence on the Web. He asked one disciple to coordinate the project of creating the Sri Chinmoy website, and to do it quickly. I was asked to help in the initial phases of this project. There were ten of us working frantically, every day, on some sections of what eventually evolved into many different Web sites and Web pages. Some were on sports, some on Guru’s writings, some on arts, others on songs.
Every day, we received so many blessings for being part of this demanding project. I worked mostly on Guru’s lectures, speeches and other literature. We hardly had any document that was digitalized then, and no scanner; so in many cases we had to re-type them all. Lots of work by dedicated disciples, working hard, every day - and then the moment of launching the site arrived. We were all so proud and excited at being part of this project.
At some point in the process, a photo was taken of the initial team of pioneers, and when it was presented to Guru, he ordered ten large copies to be made and wrote “Guru" on the third eye of each person. To this day, I cherish these moments and this photo offered to us by our dearest Guru. Now that I see how the sites have evolved, and how Guru’s presence is so prominent on the Internet, I can’t help but be proud to have participated, in some humble way, in the initial stages of this colossal project.
My Utsahi
In June 2001, we were in Oslo for a week to celebrate the unveiling of the Peace Flame. It was a very beautiful monument of peace and there was a week of meditation associated with it! Among the multifarious activities, there was a book launch in one of the city’s largest bookstores. Guru was there, signing his books. Many people from the public came, and Guru took time to write a special word to everyone. Disciples were invited to have books autographed if they wanted to. Naturally, there was a line-up.
Another boy and I were there, close to Guru. I had my camera and took a few shots. Time was flying, and Guru had been sitting there for many hours by then, and I felt that he must have been tired. I was debating, trying to decide if I would go or not: This is a unique opportunity, my little voice would say... Guru is very tired; don’t add to his load, another voice would respond. And I was in the middle, debating whether or not I should approach Guru.
Finally, the other boy and I decided to go. But by then, there were no English books left, so I chose a Norwegian book entitled Fredselskerens Visdoms Kilde. On the first page, Guru wrote: "My Utsahi - My infinite Love, Joy and Gratitude. Guru, June 15th, 2001" and added four beautiful birds.
Needless to say, none of them had foreseen the coronavirus.
We were in New York for the anniversary of Guru's Jharna-Kala painting in November. Guru asked some boys to perform thirteen of his Jharna Kala songs. I was part of this group of approximately 10 boys. I practiced the songs from morning till night, for two days. Then, in the evening, Guru asked us to perform. As we finished, he was so proud of us that he gave each of us a framed bird with the inscription: “I am so proud of my boy Jharna-Kala singers." Needless to say, I dearly cherish this gift from Guru’s hands.
